Going to the Dogs
by JoNeZiE
Summary: Special Agent Emily Prentiss is going to have to learn how to co-exists with her new partner. Who will win this battle? Who will be more insulted about having to become partners? This is funny for both pet-lovers and everyone else! Rated T for language.
1. First Impressions Kinda Bite

**Well it's me... JONEZIE! Okay, i get that known of you know who i am... (depressed look)... but if you liked my other storys, expecially the funny one, then you are almost 100% garrentied to... you know what? Just read the story and find out for yourself! Haha, just so everyone is on the same page... haha get it? web humor... no?... nevermind then... okay as i was saying, just so we are all on the same page, this is suppose to be funny. Get it? The thing that usually causes laughter. Yeah... there you go. Really soak in the meaning of the word. Because i'm kinda sick of all this stupid stuff that makes people so damn sad and mad! I mean, I want to at least make SOMEONE smile and laugh! That is kinda my mission i guess you can call it. See if i can make just ONE person smile a day, then hours and hours of work is all worth it. So leave me a review or i will probably take longer to update. PLEASE REVIEW ALL OF YOU REALLY PATIENT PEOPLE! I give you an applause for reading all of this.**

**-Jonezie (it's just who i am)**

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**[EPOV]**

Hotch called us in early. I have no clue why though… Yesterday he told us to "Just go home and sleep." The case we just got back from was long and tedious. We were gone for eight days trying to catch that guy and we finally get home at 4 A.M. Now it's 8 A.M. and we are all sitting in the conference room, again, wondering why the hell Hotch interrupted our long awaited sleep.

Normally I would just ask JJ what's up, but she says that she has no idea either. As I look around now, no one has even the slightest interest in being here. Reid is passed out with his head on the table, JJ has her eyes closed, clearly she is dozing, and even Rossi and Morgan's conversation is at a dull murmur. The only two people that I have yet to see are Hotch and Garcia.

As if on cue, Garcia clunks through the door and staggers over to a seat between me and JJ. Briefly JJ looks at her, nods a greeting, and closes her eyes again. I can tell that Penelope is exhausted like the rest of us. Her hair is all over the place and even her glasses are in disarray. I smile at her.

"Sweetie, any other time I would be my cheerful, all-knowing self," Her voice is raspy, sleep deprived. "But if you don't wipe your childish smirk off your face, I'll…" Her uncharacteristic rant is cut off by Hotch closing the door.

"Sorry to have to call everyone back like this." Hotch apologized. I felt bad considering that he looked worst out of all of us.

I was still leaning back in my chair, two of the legs off the ground, with my left foot pushing off the table. My right foot had settled very lazily on top of the table. I saw Hotch looking at me, contemplating on whether or not to tell me to sit correctly. It sounds very elementary, I know, but right now I just didn't give a damn. I was tired and felt childish so… screw it. I was about to protest his soon-to-be scolding but then I heard him give a defeated sigh. Wow, he must be damn tired… Then he turned away, looking at something else with one eyebrow raised questioningly.

I followed his gaze and found that it had befallen on a slumbering Reid. Smiling slightly to myself, since everyone else was in such a sour mood, I was about to make a remark when Hotch gave Morgan the "wake him up" look. Well now, this was going to be funny…

With a grunt and a very detailed scowl, Morgan agreed and walked over to Reid. He stood right behind the chair. In a mechanical motion, he whipped the chair out from under the slumbering agent. Reid hit the ground with a THUNK that made me wince a little. The young super genius flailed his limbs around dramatically as he woke up with a start. Reid gave his best "death glare" which was always more of a whiny "aagh…" type look, to Morgan who was setting Reid's chair back on the ground.

"What was that for?" Reid murmured childishly. He started to pick himself up and I was about to laugh when Rossi gave me a glare.

With an extremely audible huff, I decided to just stare at the door. It wasn't that the last case didn't tire me out, actually JJ insisted that it was hardest on me since I had met few of the victims and ended up getting in a car crash—again—but I was just so exhausted that it kind of felt unreal… Like I was stuck in a world that was exactly like reality, but it wasn't reality… You know what I'm getting at? No… well now it's just awkward that I'm asking myself a question and apparently now I'm answering… so… I'll stop that now…

I felt my team's eyes burning holes through me. They were probably surprised at my juvenile behavior, but right now I got the impressing that if I didn't act like a child, I would just fall asleep right here and now.

"Don't pout Prentiss." Morgan's voice lightened up a little, but it still wasn't its booming, roaring, and annoying self.

"I'm sooo not pouting." I growled quietly. Hotch raised another eyebrow; they looked like they would just float off his face soon.

"Why are we here Hotch?" JJ pleaded, propping her head up with her fist. Hotch was surprised she would act so out of character.

"I have no idea, but Strauss wanted us to come in…" He replied, obviously confused.

Like a switch, I immediately straightened up. In one swift motion, I had all feet on the floor and myself looking all fine and dandy. Garcia gave a little giggle and swatted my shoulder.

"We mention Strauss and you start looking for the nearest exit." She said between several school-girl giggles and I heard JJ contribute her own laugh as well.

"What? Is there still some bad blood between you two?" JJ asked innocently, completely oblivious to the fact that Strauss had wanted me to be a rat and snitch on the team when I first started working at the BAU. Hotch let out a small snort and JJ visibly tensed. Her eyes narrowed at me, taking in anything she might have missed. I self-consciously squirmed under her scrutiny. When she spoke, it was a stern growl. "WHAT. DID. YOU. DO?" Her glare alone freaked me out, so I tried to block her view of me by using Garcia as a shield.

"No way am I getting in the middle!" Garcia shrieked and scooted about 5 feet backwards, ensuring she was at a safe distance.

"Why is it always something I did?" I asked her, slightly annoyed by the fact that they thought that I actually had to provoke that Witch of a woman.

"Because you ALWAYS do something!" JJ countered. I was just about to give her a witty remark—okay no I didn't really have a "witty remark" because usually things play out to where it is MY fault—when I saw that Evil lady saunter off the elevator. And behind her were two hulked up agents and a… wait… what? A… _dog? _WHAT THE HELL?

"What is THAT?" I emphasized the "that" part. My eyes were definitely wide and my mouth seem like it had smacked to floor.

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**Well that is Chapter ONE for you all! Hope you liked it! I actually had more to it but it took me a month to get this much from my notebook so i figured i'd just split up the chapter. This will switch between Emily's point of view [EPOV] and Gizmo's point of view [GPOV]. Please leave me some reviews... even if they are just like "Well this sux." Or maybe if you could give me a little more than 3 words? That would be cool too! As always this is Jonezie soo... I really hope i made SOMEONE ANYONE laugh or even crack a smile. **

**-Jonezie**


	2. Payback's a Bitch

**Alrighty! So this Chapter is gonna be a bit more fun! I really really hope that if your reading this, it might help to know that i am a sarcastic person. Don't hate me for it, i just am. But i would love if you would leave a REVIEW after reading... And don't worry. This isn't a "Bash Emily" Festival. No i'm just trying to show their... relationship if you'll call it. So a little bit of Reading and Reviewing! Reading your reviews gives me that warm FUZZY feelin inside! haha**

**-Jonezie**

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**[GPOV]**

I strutted through the large hallway. My "associates" walked timidly on either sides of me, they were so damn annoying. The Director was smugly waltzing ahead of us. My paws glided silently across the floor and I held my head up high, prepared for any signal that something was out of place.

I was impressed by the command post; it was large and filled with well trained personnel. Today was my first day on the job. I had astonished my colleges—yes I am talking about all the other dogs at the academy—when they learned that I was handpicked to join a rather prestigious unit of the F.B.I. I had trained all my life, which will be 3 years come this Friday, to track down the worst, most vile criminals society had to offer. I was well groomed and on my best behavior, because let's face it, if I screwed up now… I would probably be screwed for my whole career. I did not want the first day with my new team to start out with a bad impression.

As the goons and I walked farther into the wide hallway, I noticed a room that had windows all around. By the looks of it, it was the conference room, of course the fact that there were people in it kind of made it pretty freaking obvious… I almost barked! Inside the conference room I saw the BIGGEST idiot in the whole joint! She must have been some report jokey that was just "so damn surprised" that she was getting fired—I saw no other reason for someone like her to be allowed in the conference room, leading me to believe that she was being fired—she had her mouth hanging open like a freaking fly trap… or a mindless moron… personally, I think it was both.

As soon as we made eye contact, she started to reel in her slacked jaw. How unprofessional of her… Anyway, I could smell the people in the room. I immediately memorized their scents and voices. I knew that they thought they were whispering, but I could hear them as if they were speaking into my ears with a microphone.

Hmm… They seem well enough, except for the douche that was using her mouth to collect flies. I added those to my list of mental notes of everyone.

**[NPOV] = Normal Point of View (If you really didn't know)**

The Director walked into the room, followed by the three Agents; two of which were tall and squeaky clean, but the center agent took everyone by surprise.

"Thank you for coming in on such short notice." Strauss told them in a polite voice that really meant "Haha, I hope you all fall asleep so I can fire you."

"What's going on?" Hotch asked, slightly nervous even though it didn't really show.

"Well I'll have you all know that I opened another position on your team." She said in her "high and mighty" tone. "Meet Agent Gizmo." She made a gesture to the dog that sat among the agents.

He was a handsome fella. He was a Border Collie, but for a team such as the Behavior Analysis Unit, the smartest dog possible was a necessity. Gizmo was tall for his breed and measured to his shoulder at 30 inches. His jet black fur was shined and neat. The puppyish fuzz around his pitch black nose, was white and looked like a milk moustache. He had a large pure white star on his chest and the stockings of all four feet were white with black dots. To top it off, there was a 3 inch white blaze down the center of his forehead. He gave off a confident, hot-shot aura.

**[GPOV]**

"We don't have a canine specialist." Hotch stated calmly.

"I believe that you already can tell that he doesn't need a specialist, he is probably better trained that most of the agents here." Strauss gloated.

"But how…" Hotch began, but the Wicked Witch cut him off mid-sentence.

"Well I have taken the initiative to assign Agent Prentiss," Strauss almost seemed to gag at the mention of Emily's name, "as the caretaker. Since she is the only one of you without obligations." Strauss glared at Agent Prentiss with immense satisfaction. And then she told Agent Prentiss directly, "Any ONE of you is cheaper to replace than him." I could feel the tension hang in the air. Agent Prentiss stiffened up at the Director's last comment.

**[EPOV]**

I watched the Swamp Monster stalk away—probably to go laugh at some 4 year old's dream to be an astronaut and scar the poor kid for life—with the two goonies obediently following her heels. I looked at the dog that was patiently sitting at Hotch's feet.

I waited in silence after watching them leave. The door was closed by an openly nervous Rossi. Everyone had an eye on me, but I really didn't know what to do… I mean I can honestly say that the thought of Strauss getting back at me by assigning me to babysitting duty for a mutt had never crossed my mind. Sure torture chambers, painful steely death traps, or sudden "accidents" had crossed my mind… but never… this…

"When did I become the freakin' dog walker?" Was all I could come up with.

"Looks like about 10 minutes ago…" Morgan joked lightly. I could tell that they didn't know how to react. Their looks of confusion mirrored my own, but for a split second, that dog looked absolutely repulsed. I let out a long sigh and decided to make friends with my new "puppy." I mean… Yay… a doggy… woo-freaking-hoo…

**[GPOV]**

What! Why do I have to be housed with a… an… AGRH! Damn it! This sucks! I shot Agent Prentiss a disgusted look.

She started to pat her knees and coo to me.

"Hey puppy?" I could tell she was planning on doing the baby talk thing. "Does da wittle puppy wanna come home wit me?" She "baby talked" me, which was really pathetic because I could tell that she never really did it before and frankly it kinda pissed me off that if she was going to have the nerve to use that tone of voice, than she better be able to Freakin use it right!

You are F-ing crazy. I thought as I pointedly strutted over to the agent I presumed to be called "JJ" and lifted a paw of greetings towards her. JJ patted the top of my head and let out a kinda cute giggle.

"I don't think he is very impressed Prentiss." JJ continued to giggle while she scratched behind my ear.

I was grinning to myself. Agent Prentiss looked confused by my actions. So to add to her little mental tiff, I moseyed my way over to have introductions with all of the OTHER team members.

Garcia, as I learned, was a bit wonky, but had a heart of gold. She immediately touched my silky, floppy ears. I licked her hand, which caused her to elicit a sing song laugh.

As I waltzed up to the guys, they gave me pats and the young one said something about how intelligent my breed was. As much as I loved being complimented, when it came from him, it just sounded awkward. Rossi, the old guy, scratched my back. But my favorite was Morgan. He ruffled my ears and told me "Don't you worry about Prentiss, she is smarter than she looks." I highly doubted that though…

I finally turned my head to gauge Agent Prentiss' reaction. I saw something in her eyes as we stared at each other. I think it was raw exhaustion, but I could be wrong. I almost felt bad for the fool, maybe just maybe, there was a small pit of guilt gnawing at my stomach; but then there was a wall that slammed down on her eyes. The only thing I saw after that sudden retreat of emotion was utter annoyance. I decided that I didn't like that wall.

**[EPOV]**

I was pissed now! That mutt had the nerve to snub me! If that pampered pooch thinks that I'll just take that, oh ho ho he has another thing coming. Damn I hate being so freaking tired… Argh… this flat out SUCKS!

As my mental rant ended I realized that I lost myself in my mind. I am a master at compartmentalizing, and being able to mask my emotions had also taught me how to warp them into something they weren't really. But I decided that I would fuel the flame of my annoyance. So with a practiced smile, the only possible expression on my face or in my eyes was annoyance.

"I'm going home." I grumbled.

"What about the cute dog?" Garcia questioned.

Oh what about the cute, smug, snobby, little, son-of-a… okay Prentiss, just walk away.

"If that mutt is sooo freaking smart, he can take a cab." I deadpanned. To my dismay the dog started trotting close behind me. I didn't miss the smirk that attached itself to Morgan's lips.

"Trust me _mutt_, your little tricks don't work on me." I mumbled but I knew that the dog heard me. Yes, I am saying that that dog is smart. If he can successfully piss me off this much in the first half hour of knowing him, I am so screwed with living with him. Damn it! Well he is gonna be in for a huge freaking reality check. I could almost hear an evil laugh in the depths of my mind… Mwhaahahahaahaaaa!

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**Hope you liked this Chapter! I know i enjoyed typing it! Next stop is going to be the ride in the car, and getting settled in Emily's apartment! Yay... Oh yeah... i can tell that you are all just sooo enthused really... (dripping with sarcasm) So if anyone would like to tell me that i made them laugh or just helped them with having a little funner (i know it isn't a real word :P) day or to just tell me "Screw you with your dog vs. person story thing" (can't you tell my high self esteem with my writing!) I would really appreciate it. *gives sincere heartwarming smile* **

**-Jonezie (really? who else did you expect?)**


	3. In Charge

**Well thanks to all of you who reviewed! I just want to tell you all that i really appreciate it and you may want to consider giving yourselves pats on the back. I even made a few people smile! Well as i promised, if i can make someone smile or laugh, i'll continue. Thanks alot and don't forget to Review!  
-Jonezie**

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**[EPOV]**

If there is one thing that rates a ten on the awkward scale, it is definitely riding on an elevator with a freakishly smart dog. He just sits there and waits. I swear that animal is like a freaking Einstein! I feel like I should be sitting in the corner with a dunce cap on. Great, now I can say that a doggy will be the reason for my newly found super low self-esteem. Okay back to standing in the elevator…

"Well mutt, you better not think that this is going to be all fun and games. Alright?" Am I really waiting for him to answer? What the hell? Did he just glare at me? Okay, time to lay off the Splenda in my coffee… "I can't believe I am being reduced to talking to a freaking DOG!"

"Grrr."

What was that?

I start looking around for the source. Where the hell is it coming from?

"Grrr…"

Is it the dog?

"Did you just do that?" Am I really asking him? It… I meant it, okay.

"Ruff." The dog made a low but firm bark. I know it is sad to describe it like that, but it's true.

_Ding _

"About time…" I mumble under my breath. I hear something like a "huff" to my left.

I'm in the parking lot, and I click the 'unlock' button on my SUV. Walking the rest of the way up to it, I turn around.

"Alright muttly, you're going to go in the…" I turn around and what do I find… That's the WHOLE POINT! I DON'T FIND ANYTHING!

SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. I AM SOOOO GOING TO BE IN THE DOG HOUSE FOR THIS… no pun intended.

"Doggy, doggy? Where the hell did you freakin' go?" I started to look around the other cars when I heard a bark. "Er… Dog? Where are you?"

"Ruff." There! The bark! Okay, now where is it? I search around until I hear the bark again.

"Are you kidding me? Let me guess… you've been here the whole time?" Seriously? Why am I asking him? Anyway, he is sitting patiently by the passenger's door. He cocks his head to the side, perking up his ears a little… obviously trying to pull the "cute" card.

Haha. Yeah… like that will affect me? HA!

"You stupid bastard! I thought you ran away! And you so aren't sitting in the front! Go in the back!" I tell him as I open the back door and make some wild pointing gesture. He gives me this weird glare thing that kinda makes me question my own sanity… just a little bit.

"How the hell am I going to survive being partnered with you?" I ask myself. I walk around the SUV and open my door. I was exhausted, pissed off, and slightly confused. I sit inside and close my door with a small slam. Finally, the confines of my car. Hmmm… it's quiet, calm, the heater is on, it smells like old dog kibble… WHAT THE FUCK?

I jump from my seat and hit my head on the ceiling of the car. Completely dazed, I look around and see double of everything. Huh, I didn't know that dog had four ears…

**[GPOV]**

I'm sitting shotgun of Agent Prentiss' vehicle. Stupid human, thinking I would sit in back! Who does she think she is? And now she looks even more like a total moron since she hit her head on the roof of the vehicle. I give her a quizzical look, wondering why on Earth she would start swaying around and mumbling like a fool.

"Youza ave lotss ovv ears… I ah, think I'ma going ta…" Crash… She lands face first into the steering wheel.

_!_

"Wha'd ta hell?" She shouts as she jumps back to consciousness. Yeah, she is really one of the smart humans. I mean, look at her, she may have a little drool on her chin.

Idiot.

"Damn dog…" I heard her grumble under her breath. I want to laugh at her because she attracted quiet a crowd with the "honk" and now she had to explain herself. This would be funny…

She rolls down the window and tells them in a voice loud enough to be heard through the parking lot.

"Oh sorry! The dog just got so excited and started climbing all over. He must have hit the horn!"

Okay, now I'm definitely insulted. I. HIT. THE. HORN? I sure as hell didn't! You stupid, bitch slammed into it with your freaking giant ass head! And now you're telling them I did it? You just wait until we get to your place of residence… I'm going to have lots of little "accidents" all over your precious furniture and I'll make sure I do it on some white shirts too! I'll show you who is going to be running this operation from now on!

"Well at least you're good for something, Muttley." She laughed to herself.

The whole car ride consisted of me looking straight out the window. I refused, REFUSED, to look at that terrible, awful, despicable excuse for a human being.

When we finally reached her… house? I was more than happy to leave the confines of her car. She started to check her pockets for her keys and finally found them in her jacket pocket. Unlocking the door, she looked over at me. There was a slightly resentful look in her eyes.

"Well come in Fido. It's sad that YOU are the first one on my team that has seen my condo." She told me as she dropped her go bag on the floor and threw her jacket on the ground. She walked over to the couch and flopped down, rather ungracefully I might add.

She just laid there and I was pretty sure she fell asleep. Maybe if she didn't piss me off, I might have felt bad for her… Oh well! I started to go and adventure. I found what I presumed was the kitchen and living room. The living room had the most amazing view ever. Even I, a dog, knew that it was damn special. She soooo didn't deserve it.

I walked up the stairs and found what I figured to be her bedroom, a bathroom, and a spare bedroom. I decided that I would look around her bedroom, just in case there was something that would be good to do my business on. As I entered the room, it wasn't what I had expected.

It looked like the only real interaction the room had was when someone was frantically looking for clothes. Everything had a layer of dust on it, except the alarm clock, and it looked more like an abandoned motel room than anything. Searching around for a little while, I realized that doing anything in there would probably not get noticed for a really, really, realllllly long time. And I wanted a more immediate revenge. As I was leaving the heinous room, my paw got caught on a sock.

OMG did that sock smell disgusting! I wanted to regurgitate anything and everything in my stomach. This caused me to notice that I haven't eaten since… awhile ago. But the smell felt like it burned off my whiskers and any hair surrounding my poor nose. While I desperately tried to fling the abomination, I tripped over some other article of clothing, and did muzzle dive right into the floor.

I was shaking. That experience was… it was just… nevermind… I don't want to talk about it. After all my training, the stuff that I've seen, t-t-that… sent shivers down my spine to say the very least.

After making my way back down stairs to the couch, I noticed that she was still asleep. Well hell, I know that it is dinner time somewhere and I'm hungry.

I walked up to her and barked right in her ear. Yumm… sweet sweet payback.

She jumped up and groaned. As she started to get up, I heard her string along many curses that I didn't even know. When she was finally standing and glaring at me, I walked over to the refrigerator and did another "extra" loud bark.

"Will you keep it down? Fine, I'll get you some food." As she sleepily lumbered into the kitchen, she opened one of the cupboards. She took out a bowl that said "Tuperware" on the side.

She opened the fridge and started shifting some things around. After what felt like FOREVER she put something in the bowl and set the bowl on the ground.

FINALLY FOOD!

As I raced over to my dining area, I came to a screeching halt. You ever see a cartoon character do the sudden stop thing with the screeching sound? Yeah, that was me.

I looked down at the… stuff in the bowl. I may have been color blind, but even I knew that food should NEVER look like that.

"Eat up. That is only… actually I can't remember what that's from…" She trailed off, deep in thought.

Number One: Food should not be fuzzier than a lint collection. And Number Two: It shouldn't smell like a mixture of death and soon to be death.

In that moment, I was sure that me and "Agent Prentiss" were NOT going to get along… Well THAT and… I might starve…

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**Thanks for reading! Next Chapter... The first night and morning! If i made you smile or laugh, or you want to tell me that you dislike something... go ahead and review! That's right! I'm giving you all PERMISSION to whine! But i would be esctatic if you tell me how you like the story so far. Your reviews are probably going to determine whether this is a short story or a fun in depth one!**

**-Jonezie (sometimes i wonder if i leave a different tag... will anyone notice?)**

**P.S.- I DO NOT OWN CRIMINAL MINDS. THIS IS A DISCLAIMER**


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